I get attached to people and there lives. It’s just something that’s always been a fact in my life. I feel as if there apart of my family. There problems are my problems. I’ve had alot of friends in my life. I’ve lost most of them. I always blame myself. I did this and I did that. I’ve only ever trusted a few people outside of my family. Make that about 4. My best friend in the world, Hanna. My ex-boyfriend Joey. My best friend Tracey. And a very good friend of mine Kim. Exepct for my ex-boyfriend, I still keep up with everyone’s lives. Even though Hanna lives about 1000 miles away. And Tracey is married, and Kim, is….well Kim. Honestly a friendship with me, is forever. I’m pretty much a dimaond. I am a very loyal person. I would rather give anything and everything to someone else. Because you can see it on there faces, the joy, the laughter, the pure awesomeness. I would rather make someone else happy then do something for myself most of the time. There are few (very few) exceptions. So whenever I loose one of those few, ok 4, people that I trust it’s really hard. Like extreme. It’s like looseing apart of me. I lost my ex, and that was…just painful. Not because i loved him, just because i got to know him so well, it just felt like I lost apart of me when we broke up. I think i’m starting to loose someone again. And I don’t even know if i am or not. But it hurts. I miss her so much. But i’m to afraid to talk to her, I don’t want her to tell me she doesnt want to be my friend anymore. I couldn’t do it. I’d honestly be a broken person. I thought i’d lost her as a friend before, and i couldn’t do it. She had been so much apart of my life for so long..I can’t even tell you how much it hurt me. I’ve always wondered why I’m like this. My exboyfriends mom always thought I had a sixth sense when it came to certain people. She said I just knew things about people. I knew how they felt, I knew what to do, and what to say… What does that make me?
Something I can’t quite explain November 17, 2008